Popsonian

I just got home from work, got off at 1am. My mother just told me when I got off work that she got eviction papers on me. She then called me names, told me I'm worthless... I am praying that I really am able to move in with my friend who said we'd turn his living room into a bedroom for me. My mother is not just someone who has mental issues; she is someone who enjoys kicking me when I'm down. She has always hated me for being born, if that even makes sense. I really need prayers going up for me. It is not good knowing that my own mother does not love me, wants to cause harm in my life. I do not understand. Please, pray hard for me. I really need your prayers. May GOD bless you. Thak you for your prayers.

Erin this may not be a bad thing. God might have a hand in this to get you away from evil- that is what that apartment is full of -evil thoughts - evil people. You have a job that is a start. Find a place and live in a tiny little secure room if you have to. Don't let your mother or grandmother know where you live. When your mother needs money or something from you she will start looking for you and you don't need any contact with her. People need forgivenss and in your heart you can forgive-not your "MOTHER" but someone who is a stranger to you and harmful. If I sound cruel it is because i think of all the hurts and heataches and abuse you have suffered in your life time. And I pray God is begining to clear this all away . Lean on him. Try to live like Jesus would want you to- and your life is going to change.
Come here ask for all the prayers you need and we will be here to lift you up anytime.
Lord as this new chance for Erin is starting please with your love place all she needs in her path, change her life to one filled with Godly things, and a good job and hopefully in the degree she has earned with only your help.Take care of her and guide her each day!

Erin,
Please heed Barbykins advise, she is spot on. Your mother sounds a lot like my Step mother. I adored my mom, but could have no contact with her growing up. Here is a picture of a wonderful mom, at least in my opinion every mother should be held to a higher standard.


Now I’m the Dad


I am finding this difficult to recount, but I feel I must. I wish I were sharing this with a friend, but I know there are folks out in the world who have had similar experiences and hopefully came out on the other side with only a few bruises to either their physical frame or their mental stability.

Being one of seven siblings added to the difficulty in what I am about to share. At age 14, I had to grow up over night. Being the next to the oldest ages you too. The other children all look up to the older siblings. Maybe it was being thrust into a situation that was traumatic to start with, that caused the age lines to appear.

After 19 years of marriage and seven children, my dad decided to bring his girlfriend home to meet my mom. First came the introduction of this foreign entity into the home. My mother was standing in the kitchen when the tragedy occurred. Upon hearing the news, my mother collapsed to the floor and passed completely out.

No longer was I this young teenager, suddenly something rose up in me and I immediately repelled my father. He tried to get close to us all, but we weren’t buying it! My mother’s half-brother was contacted, and he took our mother back to their child-hood home in Bath, N.Y.

Those of us who were the oldest resigned to go with her. So my oldest brother, oldest sister, and I, went to live with our mom. She managed to secure a job as a waitress and found a small flat to live in. It wasn’t big enough for all of us and she found friends or relatives there to take us in. Things were a whole lot different back in the 60’s. There are laws in place today that may have helped my mom to adjust to this horrible transition.

The next thing on my mom’s calendar was the realization that she couldn’t survive on her little waitress job, and lost her apartment. Family came to the rescue for a time, but the loss of her seven children weighed heavily on her heart and mind. Why did she turn to the bottle? I’ve give you one guess. This whole episode is too heavy for anyone to bear. She was a wonderful mother who loved us all to such a degree that she would go without eating to be sure we were all fed.

I refuse to go into all of the dark areas of my mother’s life that this decision of my dad’s forced upon her. She never saw it coming. She was working at a full time job on the third shift of a bakery job, when this dreadful news came to her. My father worked at the same bakery and began to get involved with one of the secretaries; the same woman in question here.

For my mom it had to feel like being wrongfully accused and dismissed from a long standing job. She was my mom for the last 14 years of my life, then she lost her position to the other woman. There are two sides to every argument; but I am sorry I have to vehemently disagree with that saying. My father was so totally off the beam that day; and he had to live with the guilt of it the rest of his life. He could never get back into the full graces of our lives as his children. The youngest children, then just babies, did not have as much of an understanding of the whole situation as those of us older siblings who had to grow up over night.

One of the most difficult times for me was having to visit my mother, after I was married, and watch her drink glass after glass of hard liquor. We had to bar hop with her in order to share time with her. It was sad and pathetic at the same time. But I loved her so much and I understood! Maybe it drowned some of the emotion, or helped to blanket over the losses she would never come to grips with.

Isn’t funny how our memories flood back to us at very special times of the year. Two years ago, I couldn’t get the thought of my mother out of my head. She had passed away a few years before and it was Mother’s Day. Tears began to well up within me as I thought about how Mom loved us and gave us all the equal attention we were always needing. The following is a letter I wrote to her in Heaven on that special day.

Dear Mom,

I hope you get this letter. It is coming from my home here in Syracuse . They say that those who have died can't hear us, but I don't believe that. You are in my thoughts and prayers always. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to reach out to you and to give you the hugs and kisses you deserved over the years that we were apart. I am sorry for all your sadness and the separation from all of us children.

The youngest do not remember you, but I remind them of just what a great hardworking mom you were. I can still remember you sitting up in bed and panning those bakery rolls in your sleep. I also remember that you kept such weird hours at you job, and you still had to take care of the seven of us.

Mom I never remember you complaining one time. I do remember seeing your tears, but none of the children knew what you were going through. When Dad broke up our home with other interests, and you lost us to this other woman, I was devastated. I did not talk to dad for several months.

I understand mom, why you began to drink so much. You were a great mother and didn't deserve to lose your kids. I know that you made your peace with God; I only wish it had been earlier in your life. They say you had serious medical problems that led to your death. I don't believe that for one minute. I believe you died of a broken heart.

They say the tears are wiped away in heaven, but that doesn't stop them from coming here. I miss you mom, but you couldn't be in a better place. I am glad for you that your long dark night is over.


Sent with all my love,
Donnie

NOTES: Everyone that knew Rose, loved her. My mom had a coffee shop that she ran in Bath, N.Y. that she called Rosy’s Cafe. Different times, men, who lived on the street or were without jobs, would wander into the cafe in the morning, and she would seat and feed them. She would always tell them to see her later or catch her later for the tab. They never paid for their meals, and she was happy to do it for them.

Yeah, my dad let a prize slip right through his fingers. She was a rare and sparkling gemstone in my mind. Her life should have never taken this turn, and ours shouldn’t have either. They say it’s the kids that suffer the most. I disagree with this idea too. Mom was at her very worst without her children by her side. I had to grow up quickly the day my mom lost her identity as a wife and mother.

I have two children of my own now. One is an adult and the other is still in Middle school. They both adore their mother, and our marriage has lasted for 39 years come September.

God bless you Erin, on your pilgrim way. Scripture tell us that there is a way that seems right, but the end is destruction. I think you see the way that is right before you and the one YOU MUST LEAVE and not look back.

Blessings, Don

I am getting ready to get ready for work, and I have a week to get through before I get a paycheck. I need prayers going up that I'll have food, bus fare for the next week. The bus here doesn't run as late as I get off work, so I need prayers that a way to get home from work will make itself available by the time cold weather comes. Please, continue to pray for me about all this and my living situation. Please, pray that I'm still able to move in w/ my friend and that it works well. And yes, once I am, no longer living in the same place as my mother, I will not be dealing with her anymore.

I was remembering earlier what it was like as a kid. My mother always came first, and her mother provided for my brother and I. My mother was not a mother at all, and the whole family has always been abusive. My grandmother is truly mentally unwell, but it seems my mother is more just selfish than anything. She still gets financial help from my grandmother, but still doesn't try to be a mother to me. I get really upset that I've been so bogged down by depression most of my life that I couldn't just cut my family out of my life... Today is the 30th anniversary of my grandfather's death (He had a fatal heart attack when he was 52), and he would be so upset to see how things are.

Don you post was sad but I know that you are able to remember the good times. I am sure you have helped others by telling your story.
Erin you will be ok. You are strong and you will find honest friends who will be able to help you by not lealving you to dwell on the bad thing and which will be replaced with the good things.

Don
what a sad and wonderful story, yes I am sure u can find some sweet memories there too..we all are traveling a rought and rocky road, thats why God gave us each other to lift and encourage..thanks Don for sharing..and Erin you are still in my prayers..Yes honey God will take care of you..when we can see no way..He will make a way..love and prayers to all

Erin- I continue to pray for your situation to improve and for happiness be in your near future!

And Star-- I love your signature!

Please, continue to pray for my plans to move in with my friend and split rent at the beginning of Oct to go well and work fine for both of us.

I will lift you up in prayer. I do hope you are able to move on-although I havent been online in a while; I still remember the previous posts about how hard it was to live with your mother in this place; and I hoped that someday you would take a chance and and just go.

Please, keep praying that I end up moving in with my friend on Thursday as planned. I'm so stressed out. My mother is moving out, so must have somewhere to go.
Pray that things go well with my sharing my friend's apartment, that there are no problems w/ my moving in... I'm so stressed out.

Stop stressing and leave it to God to provide for you! Relax-- we all are holding you in prayer for this to work out with your friend. Let God see to the rest. I will keep praying for you though.